Strobe Lights

This weekend Newcastle’s Whippin Hinnies faced off against Hull’s Angels and the Tyne and Fear boys hit hard against Scotland’s Jakey Bites and I wasn’t in the stands cheering them on, unfortunately. Being an NSO (None Skating Official) means keeping a fantastic poker face and being completely impartial to the point of not chatting to any of the skaters.

I was timing the penalty box because it was my first “real” time NSOing, having only ever done it during a scrimmage before, and I was excited. With my two stop watches around my neck, one for each seat in the box for the possible penalised blockers, I watched with as straight a face as I could manage.

Tyne and Fear versus Jakey Bites was the first men’s roller derby game I’ve watched. Having seen Tyne and Fear scrimmage amongst themselves had me anticipating nigh on blood shed and I wasn’t far out. They hit hard, and I mean hard, propelling members of the Jakey Bites into the crowd. I was timing the box for the home team and whilst the opposing team were in and out of the Sin Bin so many times I lost count I hadn’t seen the arse of a single Tyne and Fear boy hit the seat.

Soon enough the penalities were coming thick and fast, with some of the boys skating out of the box, commiting another major penality, skating back round and sitting back down before their seat had even cooled down. Being an NSO made me watch the game in a totally different way. As a spectator I only really care who is lead jammer and who is winning but, as an NSO timing the penalty box, I had to really pay attention to who was following the rules and who was trying to cut a corner so I could anticipate someone being sent to the Sin Bin.

The hardest thing I found, though, was trying not to smile and cheer and jump for joy when Tyne and Fear led Newcastle to the most epic win I’ve ever seen in Roller Derby. Tyne and Fear 536 - Jakey Bites 54!

I guess I should have updated this thing before now, huh? I’d just like to say that a lot of my blog posts from now on will be regarding roller derby. And if you’re wondering “but, wtf is roller derby?” let me explain!

Roller Derby is a contact sport where two teams of five players skate around a track. One girl from each team is a ‘jammer’ and they are responsible for scoring points. The other four girls are ‘blockers’ and are responsible for helping their jammer score points and stopping the opposing jammer at the same time.

The blockers gather together to form a pack and the jammers have to break through this. They skate around, breaking through the pack with help from their blockers and avoiding the opposing blockers, and the jammer through the pack first is named ‘lead jammer’. The lead jammer is now in control of how long the jam runs for - if the opposing jammer looks like she could score some/more points than the lead jammer she can call it off.

As the jammers skate around the track and enter the pack for a second time they begin scoring points for every opposing skater they pass. The jam runs for two minutes, or until lead jammer calls it off by putting her hands on her hips, so the jammers can go around and around the track as many times as they can until the jam is over.

There’s lots of rules that aren’t hugely important to spectators. Sometimes even skaters don’t understand what they were penalised for, so I wouldn’t worry too much about learning them. Unless you want to play - in which caserevise them!

Anyway, since my job went all to hell (and I got fired) I have a lot of time on my hands to write rambling blog posts about roller derby. So stay tuned.

- Ross (Rainbow Frite, 1111)

This week has been (and will continue to be) a week of firsts. First time I’ve been on a business trip, first night alone in a hotel room, first 5 day training course, first time wearing “business dress”, tomorrow is my first bout, Monday is my first day at my new job. All in all, it’s not been too bad. Even though I hate new things. The business side was tedious but this weekend is all play. So bring it on.

that awkward moment where your favourite band does a really bad cover of a really, really, really bad song.

- george

15 random facts about yourself.

1. Until I was 18 I was a dancer, competing weekly at events all over the region.
2. I can’t remember ever not dying my hair.
3. I hate cheese.
4. Whenever I panic/freak out/get upset I laugh and people don’t get it.
5. I have the biggest crush on Johnny Knoxville.
6. My favourite film is Fight Club.
7. Likewise, my favourite author is Chuck Palahniuk.
8. I used to want to be a forensic scientist.
9. I work in a supermarket even though I have a degree.
10. My favourite band is Linkin Park.
11. If you make me apple pie I’ll be your BFF. Or apple crumble. I’m not picky.
12. I may or may not be addicted to tattoos/body mods.
13. I have two great cameras but take more photos on my iphone.
14. I have been accused of hacking websites in the past even though I don’t know how to search tags on fucking tumblr.
15. I am vegetarian and worked in a chicken restaurant for a year.